I am writing and rewriting this post already a week. There is no easy way to do it, so I think I simply will publish it…
Before ATD I said to somebody that I give so good consultings to others, that maybe I should book a session for me with myself. Ha-ha – very funny. Then ATD happen and Kevin Harris from keynote stage said: take care of yourself!
It maybe looks that I am doing great, but I am not.
I am not sleeping. I cannot sleep in hotels… I also know that hotels are not the real problem.
Some of Kevin’s slides could be mine. His talk was another wake up call. I could ignore it just as all others before or act as an adult and finally deal with it.
I decided to deal with it. My first step is to cancel my volunteer activities. I will try to keep participating in the school board, but I will leave most of my tech communities/organizations.
The hardest decision was to leave SpeakEasy. I put my heart into it. Here is a short summary of that journey:
- I applied for the program October 22, 2015.
- I was matched with my mentor Gerie Owen on January 12, 2016.
- I gave my first international conference talk and graduated from SpeakEasy on June 15, 2016.
- Year later : June 12, 2017 I came back to SpeakEasy to support Anne-Marie and Fiona. I became the matchmaker. If you believe my email system, I have written 347 emails and matched around 88 mentees (I counted only matchmaking emails, with orga stuff it goes over a thousand). When I remember how we did it at the beginning with excel lists…
- Since September 1, 2018 I was on leadership team together with Abby and Maaret.
- I also mentored two mentees myself.
While I am writing and rewriting this post unexpectedly SpeakEasy was informed about existence of registered trademark on the same name. That means our initiative has to change the name! Emotionally it changes so much for me, it becomes easier to let it go.
It is 23:10 here in Romania. I am am in hotel room in 12th floor. My window is open and I listen to jazz music down there in city center. Tomorrow I am flying home. I hope I can sleep tonight.